Friday, 12 June 2009

Why the ugly bird in the cage - an image of my social phobia?

As I said in my last post, the recurring image in my deep relaxation was this very ugly bird in a cage. What it meant - can only give my own ideas on the matter. I see the bird as being my phobia. It is ugly, it is dangerous and threatening - something I feared intensely, even looking at it made me so afraid, I felt nausea. And don't forget in my mind I was trapped in a small space in between the enormous cage and the circular lighthouse walls meaning I had little means of protecting myself should it attack. The story is interesting as at the end of my therapy I did manage to protect myself.

The cage - I believe was a simply picture in my mind of where I was. The bird was part of me - the phobia - it was caged but could attack at any time. And do not forget that all I could do to escape would be to run around in circles never getting more distant from it at the top of this lighthouse tower. In a deeply relaxed state I confronted this situation more times than I can recall. But any guidance from the therapist to coax me to get close to the bird or even make friends with it, both disgusted me and filled me with fear. The situation never changed until one unexpected morning. But sadly that unexpected morning and my own actions in that scenario did not really changeor help my panic attacks. All the therapy did was give me some tools to relax when I was in the attack.

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