Monday, 11 May 2009

My first attempt at therapy - dangerous

Ultimately for the social phobic life becomes unbearable that (s)he seeks help. My first stop was a psychoanalyst. This period covered some 18 months of my life and was not exactly crowned with glory.

Actually, this was a guy who had a face like a bulldog licking piss of a nettle - the pic is not him as it would flatter him - but that should not put one off. Basically, he just sat there and let me talk, If I did not speak he would also say nothing. A rather expensive 40 minutes of silence twice a week.

Under no circumstances would be prescribe medication - nothing - no matter what I felt like. It was the first time in my life that I was close to suicide. I even spent hours planning it in my head - and he knew this.

Sunday, 10 May 2009

At the end of the day no two people are the same

Being a victim myself I have read a lot and heard a lot about social phobia but I honestl believe that no two cases are the same. We underestimate the complexity of the human mind and its reactions.

Equally, I believe that there is no one specific cure for social phobias. What helps one person may do nothing for the other. There is no "one size fits ALL" remedy. OK, this is just my opinion but I have found no academic or medical evidence to suggest the opposite.

Why, for example, should I some 25 years ago walk out of work to go to the bank and stop panicked in front of their glass doors like a rabbit caught in the headlights of a car. Heart pumping, pale and in a cold sweat. Until today I have not found or been given any answers to that. (Please feel free to comment).

A quick review of myself

Severe social phobia for over 25 years, a history of behavioural therapy, xanax, paroxetine, psychoanalysis - symptoms: many and varied and some very strange.
(1) Unable to go through glass doors
(2) Unable to touch a glass
(3) Dread fo eating with others
(4) Unable to sign my name when others were watching
(5) Dread of speaking in public

The list goes on and on. For me social phobia was not one symptom but a cancerous spread of symptoms over the years. Quality of life at times reduced to zero, nothing to look forward to in life but fear, fear and more fear - and worst of all not a clue why this was happening to me.

My own life's journey with social phobias

I was inspired to start this blog for the simple reason that social phobias can make you a very lonely and distressed person. For those who do not suffer from such an affliction my experience has shown that few can understand the torment.